Countdown of My Top Ten Pregnancy Annoyances

I try not to complain about being pregnant...but I gotta let a little bit out or I'll go crazy!

10) The irony of being able to fit only 3-4 bites into my squished stomach at a time during a period of my life when it is considered acceptable to pig out and consistently put on weight each week. It’s not much fun to finish your meal in four minutes and then stare at your husband for another twenty while he is obviously enjoying his shrimp and grits.

9) Anyone who has ever perused a pregnancy magazine or watched a movie with a pregnant chick in it (real or fake) knows that knocked-up women’s navels tend to poke out during their pregnancy…but no one said anything about HALF of a belly button!! Maybe it’s because Little Baby Jean (L.B. for short) hangs out pretty much on the same half of my ribcage and pelvis all of the time?? I think L.B. may take after his or her daddy in the respect that he or she doesn’t like change…

8) Why does your weight gain seem to go straight to your face???

7) Having complete strangers (including gas station attendants and members of the clergy) drill me with questions about the due date, sex of the baby, potential names, breastfeeding preferences, etc, as well as offer advice on birthing positions, potty training theories, nipple salves, and natural hemorrhoid remedies. Yeah…awkward!!

6) Becoming short of breath while sitting on my rear watching TV or talking on the phone…a short torso equals baby in the lungs at all times!!

5) Having elderly patients ask me if I really think it’s “good for the baby” to be working as much and younger co-workers asking why I’m not working full-time. Can’t I please anyone??

4) My abdomen has become a comfortable “pillow” for Haley and Willie to rest their heads on…apparently Kiddo Jean does not like smelly dogs lying on him or her because he/she kicks a lot when they are around. At least this provides hours of free entertainment to watch the dogs peacefully sleeping and then startle quickly or growl in their sleep in response to these powerful kicks (I think I am breeding an Olympic soccer player…or martial arts expert).

3) Growing out of my t-shirts for goodness sakes!! T-shirts are the one thing that’s always supposed to be comfy and loose!!

2) Craving a hard workout at the gym…what’s up with that??

AND THE NUMBER ONE PREGNANCY ANNOYANCE IS...

1) “Are you having twins??”