New Mommy Discoveries

Lessons learned by this new mommy:

1) You wake up in the morning with worse B.O. than if you just completed an hour of cardio at the gym.

2) While pregnant, people would practically force-feed you 2 servings of dessert. Now they raise an eyebrow when you order that strawberry frozen yogurt as if to say, “you know you have all of that baby weight to lose”.

3) You suddenly don’t care if you leave the house in sweatpants and no makeup. If you have your baby with you, a disheveled look is socially acceptable.

4) Even when you are awake for the third time in one night, one deep look into your eyes and a tight finger grip from your baby will wake you up quicker and make your heart flutter faster than if you had just chugged a Red Bull.

5) It’s important to own an outdoor trashcan.

6) While your baby might get tons of attention and coos at the local grocery store or mall, no one gives him a second glance at Babies R Us.

7) Your once-a-week laundry loads suddenly have evolved into once a day.

8) Two words: sore nipples.

9) Allowing your small dogs to jump on you for several years because it’s “cute” has major repercussions when you have a low abdominal incision from a c-section.

10) You charge you camera battery more times in one week than you did on your honeymoon in Hawaii.

11) This is the only time in your life that you will be able to lose 21 pounds in less than a week and a half. Thank you, water retention.

12) It’s okay to rap to your infant if that is what calms him down. At this point, he can’t repeat anything you say.